Parashas Eikev

It was stated in Bava Basra 60b that a person should first correct their own faults before correcting others. This week's parashas is Eikev, which is the 46th torah portion. In gematriya, 46 corresponds to lebab, Hebrew for heart. You have to have heart to face others and rebuke them for their misdeeds, but it takes even more heart to forgive yourself and heal.
For the longest time in my childhood I didn't allow myself to heal. I didn't even know how to heal. I still don't allow myself to heal at times. I'm almost afraid to. Because I don't allow myself to heal, I can't help other people heal.
Last night I was thinking really hard about my misdeeds and the misdeeds of others. I noted that first I thought of other people's issues before I thought of my own. Then I realized that I'm too critical of others. So long as I criticize others before myself, I can't heal. I was so struck by what I discovered that I called my Dad at midnight to tell him what I learned. From now on, I'm going to try to be kinder and more understanding of other people. Hopefully in the process I will learn to heal.