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Sunday, January 25, 2015

The Reason Why I Don't Post Much Anymore

     I was wondering if I should write this post or not. I decided it was good to be honest, and so here I am, writing once again. The reason why I haven't written much is because I don't really feel like I can become a leader anymore. I envisioned I would become a Talmudist, a this, a that. I always try to bring something worthwhile to the table, but I just err so much. I look towards the Rebbe for inspiration, because he said that he became so great not because of his soul, but because of his own hard work. Of course he had a beautiful soul. Of course he worked hard. But how the heck did he get where he did?!
     It feels like whenever I resolve to study more and daven more, I end up doing the opposite. It's clearly the yetzer hara's work. But how do I break away from it's grasp? How do I become all that I want to become, and all that Hashem has shown me that I can become? It's so incredibly frustrating! Whenever I want to make a step forward, I always fall back. Sometimes I don't study enough, and sometimes I eat food without the proper certification. I never eat anything really awful like pork, but  eating something that isn't certified is just as bad! I try to eat as kosher as possible, except for when I see something that I used to eat before I became kosher, like Kraft cheese.
     The thing is, I want to be better and I want to change, but I'm stuck in an old pattern that's horribly difficult to overcome.


Anonymous said...

Think he tried for a lot longer with out giving up.

Hey it is natural to give up after working so hard and not seeing results. Think most of the world would. Lucky for us we have Meshivas Nefesh and all the other awesome Eitzot Rabbanu.

IlaN-ach said...

Rav Abadi is quite lenient when it comes to rennet in cheese and cholov stam, pat palter, etc. There are quite a few major food leniencies out there that are not publicized, are permitted b'shaat hadachak - in pressing / unforseen circumstances, lack of availability, don't be so quick to incriminate yourself! The more I learn, the more leniencies I find. He runs a website . I don't post much either these days, but, if we just give it over to Hashem, he will use us at the right time, even with just sniper posts if needed. Do we daven to post well? How do we know your one post is not as valuable than another's 20 posts? Ivdu Et Hashem b'simcha, lo yimna tov m'holchim b'tamim, and throw away the sechel for the big sechel. =D =D =D

NaaNaach said...

HH welcome to NaNach! The Nanach have nothing to prove to anyone. Post as a friend not as a lecturer (this post here was a good start)...
Na Nach Nachma Nachman MeUman!!!!

IlaN-ach said...
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