Monday, October 31, 2011
The save, the miracles, and the wonders:
H”Y saved us from all the gentiles. That mother, she... she had a fear from that gentiles that they would murder us and our children. And H”Y cast down upon them fear and they fell, I don't know how. They were so strong, and they had a lot of weapons, and H”Y did with us miracles and wonders. We were small children, not knowing what war is. And H”Y did with us such wonders, they fell and they fell. Wonders like these that one does not see, that mothers and their small children were saved and are being saved from the gentiles. So it was many times, in the whole world, H”Y did with us such miracles that the gentiles fell from us, and we were saved from them, from their weapons. There was great fear upon us and our children and on the families and on all the Jews. We were were in great distress, and H”Y had mercy on us, and we were saved, and the gentiles were lost and confounded. How do little children know to wage war? What is this? We saw that we distanced ourselves from the Torah and from holiness, and how should we be saved from the gentiles? And H”Y in his mercy on his entire nation, had mercy on us and our children. It is impossible to understand this. Little children that were born, aproximately one month two months, were saved from the gentiles, thats what happened. We were in great distress, we, our children, and our families, and all of us, we were completely lost. Because how is it possible to be saved from such killers? And H”Y saw this, with such miracles and wonders we have survived and they were destroyed with their weapons. There was no chance to be saved from the gentiles and H”Y did great wonders, that all of them fell and we and our children remained, we were saved, small children and they did not know how to wage war and we were saved and they were destroyed. After all the miracles H”Y showed us, we were in the desert and we did not have, not bread and not to drink and not war and not men, H”Y saved us, we live and are well, and they were lost. They had weapons and they had everything. We were crazy and we did not have anything. What is this? How were we saved? They had weapons, the whole world gave them weapons, and we did not have weapons. It was small children. They were completely destroyed and we are alive and well. I am older than 100 years, I live and they were finished. Scary how we were lost? and how the gentiles had all types of weapons? They were destroyed and we are alive and well. I remember now how much fear we had of the gentiles. And they wanted to kill, wipe out, and destroy us, and the opposite occurred. We in Tiberius were like dead, we did not have a doubt, how would we be saved from the gentiles? To gather us and save us from the gentiles. I remember, mother did not have what to eat, and also the small children did not have milk with which to live, and I am not working, and H”Y saved us from the gentiles and gave us the truthful Torah. Also now the gentile arabs they had houses, and they had animals, they had milk, butter, and all good, and we did not have anything. How were we saved from the gentiles? The gentiles had a lot of weapons, the whole world, the French and English, everyone gave them weapons, and we did not have anyone who would give us. We were lost like animals, not knowing where to flee, what to do with the small children? Now we are in their houses and everything that was theirs is ours. The houses are ours, the and everything is ours. A piece of bread and a few drops of olive oil, and we and our children are alive and well, and they do not have anything. I do not know how I am alive, we did not have, not bread, and not to eat, and not to drink, and not anything. Until today I am wonder very much, how am I alive? And how are the children alive? We are all alive, just those that had all the good, they died, just I remained alone, for 103 years....
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Rav Muttel, was a great intellectual:
(when you were 12, 14, you recognized Rav Muttel Slonim and the sages?) yeah, The Rav Muttel, he was very intellectual, and an intellectual does not seek mitzvos (commandments, good deeds), just the main purpose is to learn learn learn, and he was a chusid and Heaven fearing and he loved a mitzva, to do a mitzva, charity and kindness, so he knew that I have a blind father, so he took me in his house and learned with me and spoke with me and drew me very close, and he was to me like a father, like a father, and he spoke with me, hasidus and admurim (hasidic masters) and I received a lot from him, and I considered Rav Muttel, that there is no one greater than him in the world, he is mamash an angel, I saw his good traits, I was always with him, in the day and in the night....
Preparation for drawing close to Rabbainu:
These things are pertinent to the drawing close to Rabbainu, preparation, all this was preparation to drawing close to Rabbainu (when you were small the Karlin hasidim were drinking tea and coffee, and you drank more than all of them?) more than all of them, I screamed more than all of them, and I drank... (tea, more than all of them?) I was in pain, in great suffering and I searched for a remedy, how to save myself, and I did not find, until H”Y, I am telling this in short, it is impossible to tell everything (no, tell over, I know very well that you remember, ah?) yeah....
Friday, October 28, 2011
Yes. How I was ruthless, my father had hell in this world, he was blind in both eyes and with such poverty and lowliness, and I was in such a house, and I have a miracle, how I am living?! How I remained alive? Yes. There was no bread, and not a drop of olive oil, and thank God I stood. Father cried before me, “I am your father, I know, and you are still young, you do not understand. Breslov?! No match will want you, and I am poor, you do not have money, how? What you do!?” He cried, him and mother and the brothers, they cried over me, and I was ruthless on father and mother, and I said, “Just Breslov!!!” Now I see how the liars appear, yes. How they appear, where are they? Yes, there is nothing left of them. Just the books of Breslov.
I used to scream, mamash to the heart of the sky:
(Rabbi Yisroel, how did you pray, when you were a Karlin hasid?) I used to scream, mamash to the heart of the sky, all of them screamed, because whoever screamed more was more of a chusid, was more important (this was a competition who ever screams stronger?!) yes, but my intentions were not for importance, or for any other personal gain, I just, my heart was burning for H”Y and I screamed with such vox! And next to me sat an elder man named Rav Kihus, Rav Kihus, yes. And he was, after the prayer, he would scream at me and cry, “what do you want from me? You want to make me deaf? You are killing me, you are killing me... you? This is not screaming, this is to kill.” (he beat you?) no, no. He wanted to beat, but he was a following the Torah and Heaven fearing, but he wasn't able to withstand, he was suffering from this, great pain, I did not know, but he, this I caused his begrudging... his anger? This I remember, as if he was standing now by me and he screams at me, “what do you want from me?”
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Searching for men of truth:
So I searched for God fearing men, men of truth, amongst the hasidim that I grew up in their midst, because then I did not know at all from Our holy Master, but I searched advice, even though I was belonged to the Karlin Chasidus, but I thought, maybe I will find in Slunim, maybe I will find in some other place, so I will be bound only to H”Y, to the place that I will feal and that I will see that it does things to me, that channels on me the light of Hashem. Nu, and I searched by the Karlin hasidim and by the Slunim and other people.
The suffering and the pain and the poverty that was and the overcoming:
I want, and I understand that I need to thank and praise Hashem that he did for me a miracle, a single person against the whole world, yes. Father and Mother and the family and the whole city and the whole world. How I was in such a state of lowliness and degradation that if you were there it would have been hard for you to understand how I was existing in this world, how I am living?! It is impossible to describe, there are no words to speak and describe what I endured, and thank God I see now that this, this was very good, I yearn and I say if only I had suffered more, but not, I, if I would pay millions... how? The time has passed.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
So/then I left all the rabbis:
After this, when I recognized Rabbi Yisroel, so/then I left all the rabbis and Rav Hirsch also, but there was a great bond between us, a bond and love, there was love between us, so we were friends, even though there was great distance from him to me, there was great distance and he saw that which I laughed from them, not from Jerusalem, from a small city, everyone knew, they were in shock, how can a person endure... suffering like this? Insults like these? Hardship like this! And he, Rav Hirsch, him specificly, from this opposition, so/then it entered in his heart, inside, that this a great thing, that this is above all the hasidus, I did not know, what he has in his heart I know? But I had a great bond with him, with love, like one soul, so I said to him to... friend, I said to him, “Rav Hirsch? That you (Saba said this in the respectful plural and indirect) should go into Rav Yisroel, and he will learn with you Torah from Likutay Moharan, this will bring forth like this and like this (I.e.. more and more).... What?... nu, he, he himself knew that, and I am telling him, how he went in to Rabbi Yisroel? If I suffer such hardships, he can suffer like these? What does one do? How does one go into Rabbi Yisroel? And Rabbi Yisroel resided next to the shul (synagogue) the Karlin and the Slunimers, his hous was next to all the houses. Nu, he, he wasn't able to go inside to Rabbi Yisroel... he found a remedy, he goes Friday night to the Slunimers, nu, how from Slunim is Rabbi Yisroel? The first step from the house of Rabbi Yisroel is the Slunimers, so instead of goins to the Slunimers, he will go inside to Rabbi Yisroel, and this is at night, Fiday night, so who will know? The upshot is, a whole bunch of weeks went by... he went to Rabbi Yisroel, and Rabbi Yisroel learned with him and told him about the Rebbe, about the secret of Our Holy Master, so/then he decided, “I will be Yisroel Ber the second, the second crazy. I will be – will become a Breslov chusid, I will be, become a Breslov chusid.” He went to Rabbi Yisroel for a few weeks, and the Slunimers saw that the Litvak Rav Hirsch Litvak, he stopped coming Friday night, so they asked his father-in-law, they asked him, “where is he, what has become of their son-in-lawRav Hirsch Litvak? He no longer comes to us on the night of Shabos?” So he answered, “I don't know, let's ask in the house, why he doesn't go?” He asks in the house? Oy vay, he goes, every Friday night, one Fiday night he doesn't miss, he goes every Friday night! He doesn't go? So they got suspicious, maybe he goes to the house of Rabbi Yisroel, to some it up, so he told them, the woman says, “he goes every night of Shabbos”, so they got suspicious, that this Rav Hirsch had become a Breslov Chusid, he goes to Rabbi Yisroel, so they investigated undercover and they looked from behind, “we caught him, we caught him!” how that he goes into Rabbi Yisroel. Nu, nu, there was an uproar, there was a great commotion by the Slunimer, the father-in-law and mother-in-law, he became like “Yisroel Ber” he became... Wonders! That exceeds all the wonders of Rabbainu! (but except for Rabbi Nussun, there never was something like this, Petek of redemption? There was Rabbainu, Rabbi Nussun, and the Petek of redemption!) The Petek? This is from the wonders of Rabbainu! Wonders that tops all the wonders of Rabbainu! What? What is there? Yisroel Ber, I, this is Yisroel Ber (fact is that Rabbi Yisroel Karduner did not receive insults like you!) He didn't receive like me? He endured a lot, what is impossible to describe! But he was a strong warrior. (fine, but like you...) but, he was he endured, he suffered matters like these, every second, for service of Hashem, what we do not have any conception! This is just... it is impossible to merit this just with the strength of Rabbainu! He was completely clean, from all desires, from everything, from haughtiness, this was [in his eyes] like pig, haughtiness and honor? He ran from this, he fled, he was, nothing, nil... (you said that it was impossible to speak of him...) nu, and certainly! It is possible, what I saw, this, spiritual words without measure, without limit, he merited, just with his self sacrifice, oy vay, oy vay, what we have? We need to make an accounting, How it was, Rabbi Nussun lived and merited to make Likutay Tefilos (collection of prayers), Likutay Halachos (collection of laws)? Everything for us. He saw, that there would be Aaron (Patz) and there will be Sharon (T.) and there will be every sould, and he prepares for every one what he needs, Rabbainu and Rabbi Nussun... (the doctors want to make large copies of the Petek! Y, …) Who? (Y. said...) yes? (he will finish his healing and he will work with us) Yes? Him? Yes he is free, he is ready to forfeit himself, everthing for Rabbainu, he is a wonder, a wonder man, he is from the Petek, he is not just a doctor, he is a great specialist doctor in Paris! What is this? He is not an ordinary doctor, he has wisdom, he had... (also L.) yes, yes, yes, also L. he is a big dentist, not ordinary.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
The Search for Service of Hashem:
In any event, I had a teacher who taught me “Raishis Chuchma” (The Beginning of Wisdom, a ethical work written by a student of the Rama”k based on Kabala) and other works of ethics. And I was very attached to Rabbi Tzvi, they called him Rabbi Tzvi Litvak and his family name was Rosenthal, and also besides him, I had a few other teachers, because I searched a lot for service of Hashem in truth, by the hasidim of Slunim.
Rabbi Tzvi (Hirsch) Litvak Rosenthal:
For example, there was in Tiberius one man well known until today, that he was, his name was Rav Tzvi Litvak Rosenthal, and he was Heaven fearing. He studied many works of ethics, and the book Raishis Chuchma he knew by heart, and he studied it constantly, and he would learn the book Raishis Chuchma with great diligence. I searched for a place to guide me and to enlighten me with light of fear of Heaven and faith, so I attached myself to him, and he became my teacher, without money, he learned with with me Raishis Chuchma, and he spoke with me that way with words by heart, and there was a great bond between us. I saw in the book Raishis Chuchma and in other books of ethics, the enormous power of prayer, and I prayed to H”Y. But from the matter of hisbodidus I did not know, I just knew that prayer is extremely great thing. So I said a lot of Psalms, and my prayers everyday, the three daily prayers, I prayed with great intention, and with cleaving and fear of Heaven... This story of Rav Hirsch (Tzvi) Litvak, who is Rav Hirsch Litvak? In short, he was unique in Tiberius, he was, he was the great one, that he helped the whole city, a small city and there was... and they called him with this name, Rav Hirsch Litvak, they knew that a Litvak, laugh from hasidim and stories, in any event he helped them a lot, he knew the entire Raishis Chuchma, he knew by heart the Raishis Chuchma, and he didn't just learn the Raishis Chuchma, he fulfilled what he learned, he was a seeker, he had yearning...
Monday, October 24, 2011
To be hidden:
What I yearned and wanted for, just Torah and prayer and truth, to be hidden, not to be publicized (this would have been wasted if you would not have recognized Rabbainu?) yes, certainly! But like this, I still have not seen. One sees Breslov, a hasid, a hasid... but like these that money was nothing, nothing, not worth anything, just the Creator and Torah, where do we see like these? Even amongst the hasidim of Breslov, there were great people, there were precious Jews, real Jews, but like these, like Rabbi Yisroel, that we knew from them, like these? Like Rabbi Yisroel is it possible? No one (is able)... like these? (he would leave his children, leave his family) yes, certainly, (such strength, such wisdom) wisdom with this simplicity/wholesomeness, there is a deep wisdom, a type of wisdom like this which is not found in the world, with this simplicity/wholesomeness... (what is it, the wisdom?) this is wisdom which is not found... is there someone to talk to? (a servant of H”Y...) certainly! Certainly! I saw by the hasidim, I saw that there are precious Jews, they are humble, humble – this is a precious thing, humility is a precious trait, but everyone knows that he is humble, and similarly, if we are intellectual, then he wants that the whole world will believe, that they should have a name, that he is an intellectual unique in the world, yes. It is no sufficient that he... that they should hold him as an intellectual (need to make known...) yes. Oy, oy, yes. And more things like this, this is just the outline...
Sunday, October 23, 2011
- Na Nach Nachma":
Rabbi Sears Shalom !
Many years ago [about 20] when I was investigating the "petek" I
looked up Rav Ashcenazi's son [not grandson]. His name was Avraham
Aschenazi. He passed away a couple of years ago in Bnei Brak. He told
me that he was a personal witness at the moment that Rav Odesser came
out of his room with the petek that he found in the book. He told me
that very shortly afterwards, the avrechim at Rabbi Meir ba'al haness
yeshiva were so upset about such a miracle happenning to the breslever
chassid that was so obstinate with his belief in Rabbi Nachman, they
made a thourough inquiry and couldn't find the "culprit" who played
the prank. So some of them started saying that it must have been
Aschenazi, since he was the prankster [leytzan] of the yeshiva. This
son [Avraham] told me that he knows without any bit of doubt that his
father did not write the petek, and that no natural explanation was
found. He asked me to be carefull not to quote this information in his
name out of fear for what the other Slonim chasiddim and "gedoley
breslev" will do to him !!!!!!! The grandson that you quoted was not
alive at the time, and was only repeating the "heresay" that was
purposely inventented to hide the miraculous event. He refused to be
taped. Now that he is not in olam hazeh, I can quote him. So if you
don't have enough belief in Rabbi Nachman to believe that the story of
the petek could be true, there is nothing I can do to help you.
A quick survey in Uman on Rosh Hashana will reveal that the fringe
qroup is probably about 50 - 70 percent of those coming to Uman, and
growing stronger every year. Interesting for being "fringe".
as an afterword, I think Avrohom Ashkenazey was born to his parents
after they had been married for 6 six years without having any
children, even though their family were great opposers and mockers of
Breslov, the father appealed to Rabbi Yisroel Karduner for help. Saba
told over the story as follows:
"Our grandeur and splendor, our righteous Messiah will reveal" of
Breslov, our greatness, this is Breslov's... with the gold, six gold
lira, this was very valuable, and he (Rabbi Yisroel Karduner) told him
and he gave it to him (Rabbi Yisroel) immediately, right away, all the
money! Gold six gold coins and there was a birth from this! Now, he's
eight year old... His father got married, and six years after the
wedding they didn't have children, and he came to Rabbi Yisroel, his
father, and he told him (Rabbi Yisroel), I got married six years ago
and I don't have children. So Rabbi Yisroel said to him that he should
give six gold coins, six gold lira, and that's what was, he gave six
gold lira, and Avrohom is living now, with the money, he is now eighty
years old! "I need to give the publisher, I need to give six lira,
give me six lira." and he didn't tell him that he would have children,
so "give me six lira" this is sufficient, this and he lives now, he is
now eighty years old, his name is Avrohom Ashkenazey... Great
opposers, all, the grandfather... and greats, but they didn't listen,
they went to Rabbi Yisroel and they told him that they are now married
for six years and they do not have children, so Rabbi Yisroel said to
him, "give me six lira" six gold lira, oy, he gave him (Rabbi
Yisroel), and this is Avrohom Ashkenazey. He is living today. With the
six lira! Rabbi Yisroel, he didn't speak much, succinctly, six lira,
"give six lira" and he gave him then, yes, exactly six lira, and till
today he lives, he is eighty years old... and his father told me, that
he got married, and six years after the wedding they did not have
children. Rabbi Yisroel was in Meron, so he went to Rav Yisroel and he
said to him, with these words, "I got married, and I already have six
years, I got married and I do not have children!" so Rabbi Yisroel
told him, "give me six gold lira" and that's what was, he gave him,
and he is now eighty years old...
Great blessings of Na Nach Nachmu Nachman Meuman!
R' Muttel from Slunim:
After the bar mitzva, one man by the name of Rabbi Muttel Slunimer drew me close, when he was old he became the admur (hasidic master) of Slunim, and he drew me very close, and he taught me Zohar, and Talmud, and Mishna, and he was my Rabbi, and I was in his house for a long time, and I saw that every second he was only (utilizing) in studying the Torah, and he was God fearing with good character traits. I considered him to be an angel of Hashem of hosts, R' Muttel. Nu, and I searched with self sacrifice, and I told over in front of a few people all my sins and everything that happened to me, because I wanted to get out of the mud, I wanted to change. I thought; I will reveal the sickness, then he will know better to help me, how to help me. In any event, what transpired with me transpired and more and more and more until I became 14 years old, and then H”Y began to do with me miracles and wonders, I saw Divine Providence of H”Y that he has mercy on me and helps me. Every time oy vay.... In any event it is impossible to tell over in detail everything, nu ,but the main thing is, what, how, I will begin to tell what happened to me, that which H”Y had mercy on me and caused circumstances that I should merit to draw close to our holy master?
Friday, October 21, 2011
Learning before drawing close to Rabbi Nachman of Breslov:
In Slunim (a sect of hasidus) there was an old man, a Torah scholar, and Heaven fearing, he was a Kabbalist, and he was very old, and I was involved with him as well, that he should draw me close to H”Y. And he inclined his ear to all my words, and he would be very astonished by what he saw; what is this? There are other talented children who study the Torah and fear God, and it is not heard from even one of them that he suffers so much from the evil inclination?! Nu, in any event he received me with love, and almost every night I went, after the night prayers, to the synagogue of Slunim, and he was the last to leave the synagogue, and I and he went together, and he lived a little far from the synagogue, and I walked with him slowly, until we reached his house. And on the way I told him all my pains, everything that was happening to me, and he wanted to help me, and he spoke with me words of faith, certainly it was good for me, but for him to take from me – to bring light on me, such light that I needed, he did not have. In any event, I had many guides, leaders that taught me, until I was bar mitzva.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Desire to learn Torah:
Yes... I had very harsh battles with the whole city, with the whole family. They all wanted (that you should learn a trade?) yes, and I said I do not want to work a job, just Torah and fear of Heaven. This (a job) I do not want by any means. And we had hard battles, because it was very sorrowful. They said, “the (your) father can't work, he is bling and poor, and you desert the house, you are a child of bar mitzva, are you not able to learn a trade and earn bread in the house? You will not be a Rabbi, you do not have talent!” And I did not want to listen, and the whole city had great pity. And I said to them, “I will not work at any job, by any means”. So I told this to Rav Yisroel [Karduner], he enjoyed this, I saw that he had great pleasure from this. [he thought] “H”Y prepared for him such a soul that only wants Torah!” (so they said what will be with a wife?) Yes, yes, the woman. So I said, “need such a woman that also will eat bread...” This I still have not told precisely like it was, because it is impossible to draw the battle that I had with this, R' Yisroel heard this, I searched... The war with the parents, with the family, and all the friends, and the whole city, everyone said that I need to learn a trade, I am not suitable to be a Rosh Yeshiva or Rabbi, Admu”r. One sees the mercy of the Blessed Creator, 70 years before there was Breslov, mamash it is not possible to describe the utter degredation that was on Breslov, and I stood up against lions, against people who were big in Torah, and the city, celebrities, and they all said, “Breslov no!” R' Mottel, this was great miracles, all the great people of Tiberius, the friends, I prayed with them, and Tiberius was a small city and I knew everyone, and they all said, “Breslov, oy vay, oy vay, oy” yes. And I, H”Y, I merited with the kindness of H”Y to taste the taste of Breslov, the taste of hisbodidus, the taste of pouring out the soul... yes.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
(you used to go the mikva? Before Rabbi Yisroel? Did you already go to the mikva?) yes. (every day?) yes. (Karlin Chasidim go to the mikva?) yes. They do not go every day, but I, but I, I used to... (from what age did you begin to go to the mikva?) before bar mitzva, after the bar mitzva, I was already, I was not able to pray a day without a mikva....
I became Bar Mitzva. Nu, so I after learn a vocation, tailoring, or shoe making, any work, yeah. And I said, “No, I do not want. Do not want to learn a trade, I want just Torah, just Torah and fear of Heaven. Work? None, none, none...” So they said to me, “but father can not give you a dowry and money to get married, you will need a wedding, what will be?! Who will give you?! So... and also, you need to support a house!” So I said, “I do not want any work!” And I was very stubborn and I didn't learn a trade, and afterwords, when I merited to draw close to R' Yisroel [Karduner] and I told him the matter, I saw that he had great pleasure from this, because then I did not know from Breslov, just my heart was burning so much for love, for Torah, and he told me, “you did good, that you didn't learn a trade, yes.”
Monday, October 17, 2011
Necessity to drink:
Nu, we drank even more before the prayer... for example, they would arise a half hour before the day, they got up a half hour before the day, they were called (recognized as) from the biggest practitioners, from the biggest tzaddikim of the generation, he is getting up a half hour before the day, when getting up, washing the hand first to kindle the urns and to drink... Nu, I saw that it was necessary to drink, so I also wanted to drink, to drink.... and after this, he is found sitting. Some, some would sit in the chairs for an hour, some, two hours... Rabbi Yisroel Karduner! In any event after this, when H”Y helped me, that I saw Rabbi Yisroel... What is this? They, when they get up before the day? They are already the tzadikim (righteous) of the generation! And Rabbi Yisroel got up at midnight, and no one saw anything, and he does not need tea, he doesn't need anything. He needs, just a mikva and to go!...
Sunday, October 16, 2011
(Did you get up for midnight? Sleep at midnight?) yes, not exactly at midnight, but I liked to get up two or three hours before daybreak and I got down... (to do what?) Psalms, midnight, Psalms... and I was... the Creator gave me such a sould that I yearned for Torah, I was on fire for Torah and fear of Heaven, I was solicitous, charedi (solicitous)... In any event – so what I saw that hasidim, how they conducted, I was the first, and I was the biggest of all Karlin. They screamed the prayer, so I screamed. Such screams I screamed that I could faint! “You are killing me! You are making me dead! You are killing me, what do you want from me?” an elder Jew, 80 years old or 90 years old, there was an old man next to me, he said to me, “You are a fiend, I am an old man, I already can't hear, and you want to make me completely deaf? What do you want from me? Why do you scream so much?”
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Friday, October 14, 2011
(before this did you say Psalms) yes, (every day, how much?) I don't remember, but I searched, I sought out Psalms and I sought out books, (but you drank a lot of tea and coffee?) yes, afterwords I saw that it's possible to live without tee and coffee... R' Yisroel Karduner... what I saw! What I merited! What I saw from Rav Yisroel! I saw that he does not need tea, he got up for midnight without tea, without coffee. (maybe you remember another story of charity that you did when you were a child, besides the bread) besides for the bread? no. (no? And yet...) I, there are a lot of things, but I, I do not want to say anything that I do not remember clearly. This I remember clearly the kerosene and oil, father said that I cause him such difficulty, I light the kerosene and on the eve of Shabos there is no kerosene. “This is Yisroel Ber, Yisroel Ber took the kerosene!” And mother said, “the oil? I need the oil for Shabbos!” I asked for another two drops of oil....
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
A simple man but Kosher:
And I was very simple, and I had very strong will to be a truly kosher man, to serve Hashem in truth, and to learn and to pray. Nu nu... especially since the years after the bar mitzva began, the war of 'sins of youth' started, yes – thoughts. And I didn't know what it was. Who could tell? Who could gauge? I had difficult battles. If I had any defect, even the slightest from the thought. No, no, no... God forbid I did not defect like the... any defect, the slightest, this was by me like the most evil man in the world, yes. I did not find a place for H”Y, for the Torah, yes. And this brought me to H”Y, specificly what I endured, and I overcame, and I fought, and I said, “I love H”Y no matter what will be, I desire to serve Hashem.” I prayed in the synagogue with fervor, and with faith, and with truth, yes, to the extent that I was alone (unique – unparalleled)....
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
The Desire to serve H”Y:
This is a wondrous story and very awesome, for someone who gives heart truthfully. And therefore I said it is befitting and very important to tell over and write, all that transpired on me, from the day that I became intelligent (sensible), because this is a continuation from when I became intelligent until I merited to draw near to Our Holy Master this is a matter of continuation, this story from then, this continues and this is a continuation.
H”Y was gracious with me and bestowed me with such a soul, that from the day I became intelligent, that I was still a small child, my heart was burning very much to serve H”Y and to merit to fear of Heaven and faith and everything important. My desire was to cleanse myself from the vanity of desires, from all the desires of this world, just to serve Hashem. But certainly when I was a small child I didn't know anything, but the soul yearned very much, even though I didn't know anything, but my willpower and my heart, by heart was afire just to serve Hashem, and not to work at any craft or labor. My father was very poor his whole life, and then he became blind, and I was still a small child, oy vay, Master of the World! And I had yearning to aggrieve my soul, to conduct fasts, at a time that I was still very young, how old? Seven, eight years old... (you fasted at the age of seven, eight?) no, just the day preceding the first of the new month, or (the month of) Elul, in the time of the days of repentance, Elul. For example, the first of the month I wanted to fast, and my mother was very devoted and she had very great pain, “What is this with you? You are still a small child, what will you do fast?” So I didn't want to listen to her, and I did a fast every day proceeding the first day of the month, for half a day, but in the month of Elul, the day proceeding the first of the month, the whole day. And I caused great pain to my mother from this. In any event, more passed over me... this is known, that for every matter of holiness, the 'opponent' (satan, evil inclination) intensifies. On one side I had very strong desires for worldliness, and from the second side I had fear of Heaven, I despised my (worldly) life, I felt great pleasantness.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Strong desire to serve H”Y:
I had strong desires/will, and I had heavy battles, and I searched a place of respite. After I bought the prayerbook (and after you bought the prayerbook you did midnight?) not every night, but I had strong desire to get up at midnight and to recite Psalms, and sometimes I did not get up. But I remember Tiberius, the atmosphere was very hot, and the heat was strong during the day so that at night it was also very hot, because the stones (/bricks) were heated by the sun, and there was very great heat. And all (the people of) the city would sleep on the roofs, I too. But I got up a few hours before morning light, and I got down from the roof and went to our house. Our house was like a cave, there were no windows, it was like a cave. And I got down from the roof, after midnight the air is a little cooler, and then is the main sleep, the main life, and I descended into the room, and we had a small lamp, “number 2”.....
Will to be a Kosher person:
I got up early [before daylight] and we had a small lamp of “number 2”. I lit the lamp and I said Psalms and prayers, I began to pray. So the whole week I lit the lamp for a few hours every day, and it was deficient at the end of the week. And there was a container of kerosene (or some type of oil), this was a container from Shabos to Shabos, and I used it, and it came Shabos and there was no kerosene. So they said, “Oy, Yisroel Ber makes it tough on us, he lights the kerosene and we don't have enough to finish the week. And also I was born as a very weak person, miracles how it was that I... how it was that I grew up and I live. Yes, but blessed is H”Y....
Friday, October 7, 2011
My 8yr old son had a dream a few weeks ago that he was standing with his friends before judgment.
One of his friends turned to my son with a worried look saying "Don't appear before the Judge as a NaNach". To this my son pulled out his NaNach Kamaih. Suddenly this friend said "Be NaNach, be NaNach, I also want to be NaNach. I also want a Kamaih."
That morning my son related to me his dream with great joy.
Story of the Prayer Book “Everything In It”, and the Beginning of Serving H”Y:
Afterwords there are many stories, because I prayed with fervor, more than all the children, all the children pray, like children, regular, but I counted the words like money, like one counts money, and with love and wholesomeness, “Blessed are You”.... In any event in this synagogue, I prayed, this was the synagogue... it was close to us, so I prayed in the synagogue, and this synagogue (of Karlin Hasidim?) no, no, I was a Karlin hasid, but his was Bi-an (Hasidim of Bi-an...), but because it was very close, neighboring right next to our house, I entered there to pray, and there is the synagogue of Bi-an there was a chasid, very ole, and he was venerable and important, he was in charge, he was in charge of the Kollel, he was in charge, and he was a big miser. (What was his name?) R' Yaakov Kutzir, Rav Yakov Kutzir, yes. This is something known' yes. But this was before 70 years, this was before many years, oy oy oy … I? Father was a pauper and didn't have the ability to buy me a prayerbook. I wanted a prayerbook with the midnight (prayer), with Psalms, with the Maamados, all the bequests and prayers.... [R' Yakov Kutzir] he saw my prayer that it was different from all the children, he saw that I pray with intention and clinging and with truth and wholesomeness, so I found favor in his eyes, his nae is R' Yakov Kutzir. He was a big miser, with difficulty he would give a piece of pach [very low denomination coins] to charity' but to me he gave every time, almost every day he gave me a large coin covertly, he put it for me in between the pages of the prayerbook, and this was a significant coin, and he gave it to me when I prayed, and he brought it to me in the book, in order that no one would sense that he was giving me. I was a poor child, and I has strong desire to have a prayerbook that would have in it midnight (prayers), and Psalms, and Maamados, and all the other prayers, and there was a prayerbook like this that was not possible to procure except in Jerusalem. It wasn't easy to come to such a prayerbook, one needs to ask an expert in order to buy such a prayerbook. And I had a relative, an expert, a maven on prayerbooks, and my mother asked him where is it possible to obtain a prayerbook that has everything? So he showed her this prayerbook, Kol Bo (everything), but such a prayerbook costs a lot of money, I didn't have money. So I took these coins, which this man gave me as a present each time, and I collected and did not give to father, and I gave the money to mother to safekeep for me, until H”Y would bring about events to cause her to travel to Jerusalem and then she would purchase for me. H”Y caused that my mother had to travel to Jerusalem, and then she fulfilled my request and bought for, with the money that I collected, the book of prayers which has in it all types of prayers that are in the world; midnight, and psalms, and maamados, and everything... and everything is in it as it's name says, and many prayers. And this was by me like a fortune, this prayerbook, becaause I asked her to buy for me this prayerbook which has everything. When she came back home with the prayerbook, it was so beautiful that I wanted to eat all the pages. Everyone was jealous of me, and they said, “What a prayerbook!” they asked me, how did you come to such a prayerbook?
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Monday, October 3, 2011
Through passing a test, they make a miracle for him.
(Sefer Hamidos, Yeshua 4)
Through the Tznius (modesty) of a perso,n they give him back all the good that someone else took away from him through his prayers.
(Sefer Hamidos, Yeshua 6)
No Miracles for Perverts
Hashem does not perform miracles for a pervert.
(Sefer Hamidos, Yeshua 7)
When a person is placed in a test, he should know that if he is victorious and passes the test, Hashem will perform a miracle for him.
(Sefer Hamidos, Yeshua 16)
Embarrassment causes a person to fear sinning.
(Sefer Hamidos, Yerah 16)
A person that is always absorbed in his fear of Hashem Yisborach and it is never forgotten from him, he is forgiven for all his sins.
(Sefer Hamidos, Yerah 20)
To gain fear of Hashem, go to the Mikvah.
(Sefer Hamidos, Yerah 31)
A person that says he did not sin, is degraded by all.
(Sefer Hamidos, Kavod 10)
Most of the embarrassments and humiliations that come upon a person are a result of the sins of his youth (Spilling seed).
(Sefer Hamidos, Kavod 11)
When a person has anger issues it is a sign that sins outweigh his merits.
(Sefer Hamidos, Kos 13)
Children that are born through the use of impure names and black magic will grow up to be perverts.
(Sefer Hamidos, Kishuf 1)
Through logic one merits Teshuva.
(Sefer Hamidos, Lemud 30)
A person that does not have a set time in his schedule for learning will come to have impure thoughts.
(Sefer Hamidos, Lemud 52)
A person that does not study Torah, since he has no time. By learning on Shabbos and Rosh Chodesh he keeps away the spirit of impurity.
(Sefer Hamidos, Lemud 65)
A book that was used by an evil man for his studies. Do not learn from this book, since its letters will make you evil.
(Sefer Hamidos, Lemud 82)
Every Verse in Torah Alludes Negatively to A Chaser of Lust
A person that chases after the lusts of his heart, can be found in every verse of the Torah using derogatory illusions.
(Sefer Hamidos, Lemud 85)
Separation from Torah Attaches to Satan
A person that separates himself from the Torah, attaches himself to the Satan.
(Sefer Hamidos, Lemud 86)
Lashon Hara Raises the Severity of Remaining Sins
Through speaking Lashon Hara, a person raises the remainder of his sins to the severity of the Three Cardinal Sins.
(Sefer Hamidos, Lashon Hara 2)
Mockery Can Cause Stumbling in Niuf
Through mockery a person will have many people trying to collect debts from him. They will also rule over him. He will also stumble in Niuf and his wife will rule over him.
(Sefer Hamidos, Latzanus 1)
Machlokes on Tzadikim Indication of Bad Thoughts
A person that starts controversy on the Tzadikim, it is a sign that he has bad thoughts.
(Sefer Hamidos, Miriva 15)
Most Perverts Oppose the Tzadikim
Perverts are for the most part opponents of the Tzadikim.
(Sefer Hamidos, Miriva 20)
Read more here...
Sunday, October 2, 2011
I went to school, and I didn't have what to eat, because I had given away the bread' yes. So I got a bad headache, I needed to eat but I didn't have. So my teacher, his practice was that on Sunday he would tell the students “This weeks Torah Portion is Noach”. Yes, he would repeat this many times in order that they should know know that this week is the Torah Portion Noach. He looked at all the students, and he detected that I was not listening at all, as if I wasn't in school, I don't hear at all, and do not know what-so-ever. So he left me, and then he called upon me, “Yisroel Ber! Tell which Torah portion is this week.” And I didn't know and didn't hear, just my head hurt me, that's all I knew, and I didn't hear at all what he said! Nu Nu … he hit me with cruelty, “What's this?! I said many times that this weeks Torah portion is Noach, where were you?! You do not listen?! What is this?! Where were you?! I give out my throat for nothing?!” He hit me, and I was embarrassed in front of all the students. He wanted them all to see and be afraid. The shame is impossible to describe, he hit me so much with cruelty. (How old were you?) little. (5, 6?) yes, aproximately. Beginning to learn the Chumash (five books of Moses), the portion Noach. I said from now on I will no longer give away the bread, if I give away the bread I will receive a beating, I will not give and I will not receive blows, and I will know that the weekly Torah portion is the portion Noach. Even still, I gave the bread another time to this pauper. This was by me all of Judaism. All that I heard about spirituality, about faith, about the Torah, was with me - I received new knowledge which hadn't appeared before, I didn't know from H”Y, from the Torah. I hear that there is the Torah and H”Y, so there was with me great happiness... I was the worst of all the children, the worst. I was burn into poverty and I was also a weak child. Yes, I have miracles that I am alive, that I was able to live....
He wanted to know which children were good and which children were not good, so he suddenly left me, passed over, he asked this child, “say which Torah portion it is this week.” But when he knw which portion, “Portion of Noach” ho ho, then he was already a good child, but ther were children that didn't remember, it needed time that they could remind themselves, “portion of Noach”, suddenly he came upon me, “what is the weekly Torah portion?” I didn't know anything' as if I wasn't in this world, yes, in a different court, nu, he is expectant, he is waiting, he is expectant, maybe I will remember... I? “what is this” doesn't know anything, Noach, Noach? So he – he waited and waited for an answer and there is no answer, does not know. So he asks me, “where were you? You were not here at all, where? In what world were you? What is this? You don't know? I speak and I give all my stregnth and you do not listen?” So he was very angry with me, and he hit me cruel blows. He hit me, “What is this? I speak just like that for nothing? And you do not listen? I speak and you do not know even the portion? Yes, do not know one word. “Where were you?!” Even still I saw that I need the bread, for I receive a beating, and such a beating! I suffered from the beating, and also I was embarrassed, I was humilated before the children.... He didn't hit even one other, just Yisroel Ber! (and the demeaning started from then!), the disgrace was more, more painful than the beating. I tell all of this, so that we know how much H”Y loves simple wholesomeness. I wasn't an intellectual just the wholesomeness of the heart, I very much loved the Torah and the commandments and the faith and fear of Heaven, and when I saw someone learning, or he was simple/wholesome and was reciting Psalms, then I thought, ah – this man he is thinking of the true purpose, fortunate is this man, he is busy with Psalms and he studies!