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Tuesday, November 1, 2011

From an ongoing translation of the holy words of Saba Yisroel

The Story of drawing close to Rabbi Nachman of Breslov through Rabbi Yisroel Karduner

I did not have someone to speak to me, to instruct me, I was always sad. Yes, broken broken.But this was a big benefit because I was broken and this brought me close to H”Y, to the Torah... yes. Yes. This was for the good. Yes. I had yearning. I had yearning for H”Y, yes. And I was embarrassed, I thought that just I had an evil inclination, I have desires, and everyone was clean, I did not know what was by other people. So I said, all the desires and all the difficulties, and all everything everything, I am worse than the whole world, from everyone. I did not know that other people also have an evil inclination, I just knew that I was a Karlin Hasid, I have an admur (chasidic master) in Karlin and he know, he has Divine Spirit and he knows, he is outside the holy land and I am in the Land of Israel, he recognizes me. And I was very happy, because the Karlin hasidim, like all hasidus, they have a certain specialty, that it boasts, so I thought that my admur of Karlin, he is greater than all the admurs, because they (Karlin) scream in prayer... And I loved to scream to H”Y. They screamed, but I screamed more than all of them. There was an older man next to me, he said to me, “you are a fiend, I am an old man, I already can not hear, and you want to make me completely deaf? What do you want from me? Why do you scream so much?” Until I left Karlin. Don't ask! When I merited to draw close to Rabbainu, who knows?! Nu, the husks that come first, that I had from Karlin, from this I had confusion, there are admurs that are outside the holy land, there weren't admurs in the Land of Israel, so I thought, before the coming of the Messiah, as long as the Messiah has not arrived, so/then the admurs will be outside of the Holy Land, they can not come to the Land of Israel, their holiness. I considered all the admurs holy, but Karlin as holy of holies. But thank God, H”Y did for me miracles, that I merited to draw close to Rabbainu, I merited to understand, to see, and to feel what Judaism is, and what Torah is, yes. But I did not have anyone to guide me, I did not have Rabbainu, I did not know from Rabbainu. Afterwords, when I merited to draw close, (but) then what did I know? I knew what I know now? But every piece of knowledge that I merited to feel the truth, I felt this, truth like this, there is nothing similar! Until I merited to be done/part/absolve with Karlin and all the husks. Yes...

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