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Friday, October 28, 2011

From an ongoing translation of the holy words of Saba Yisroel

Holy Brazeness.

Yes. How I was ruthless, my father had hell in this world, he was blind in both eyes and with such poverty and lowliness, and I was in such a house, and I have a miracle, how I am living?! How I remained alive? Yes. There was no bread, and not a drop of olive oil, and thank God I stood. Father cried before me, “I am your father, I know, and you are still young, you do not understand. Breslov?! No match will want you, and I am poor, you do not have money, how? What you do!?” He cried, him and mother and the brothers, they cried over me, and I was ruthless on father and mother, and I said, “Just Breslov!!!” Now I see how the liars appear, yes. How they appear, where are they? Yes, there is nothing left of them. Just the books of Breslov.

I used to scream, mamash to the heart of the sky:

(Rabbi Yisroel, how did you pray, when you were a Karlin hasid?) I used to scream, mamash to the heart of the sky, all of them screamed, because whoever screamed more was more of a chusid, was more important (this was a competition who ever screams stronger?!) yes, but my intentions were not for importance, or for any other personal gain, I just, my heart was burning for H”Y and I screamed with such vox! And next to me sat an elder man named Rav Kihus, Rav Kihus, yes. And he was, after the prayer, he would scream at me and cry, “what do you want from me? You want to make me deaf? You are killing me, you are killing me... you? This is not screaming, this is to kill.” (he beat you?) no, no. He wanted to beat, but he was a following the Torah and Heaven fearing, but he wasn't able to withstand, he was suffering from this, great pain, I did not know, but he, this I caused his begrudging... his anger? This I remember, as if he was standing now by me and he screams at me, “what do you want from me?”

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